If I Had Legs I’d Kick You

The wonderful actress Rose Byrne (Platonic, Physical, Bridesmaids, Neighbors) is the only focus of If I Had Legs I’d Kick You. Rose plays a therapist named Linda – a stressed out therapist. She is home alone with an elementary school aged child who refuses to eat and must be tube fed. Her Naval husband (Christian Slater) is away at work for eight weeks.
We never see the child, we just hear a disembodied voice of the child complaining and not wanting to eat. The husband is just a distance voice on the phone. Linda is isolated, alone, and never seems to have any quiet time. A phone always rings or an alarm from the tube feeder goes off disturbing her from whatever she is doing.
Image from the movie ""

Frazzeled Rose Bryne as Linda, an overwhelmed mom. © − All right reserved.

Then Linda experiences a bad week – their apartment floods, they must vacate to a rundown hotel, she leaves her child alone frequently to get high with a neighbor (A$AP Rocky), gets pressure from the hospital who is treating the child, clients cause her problems, she begins to hallucinate, her therapist (Conan O’Brien) is of little help, even the cashier (Ivy Wolk) at the hotel’s store gives her grief.

 

If I Haad Legs I'd Kick You

Conan O’Brien as Rose Byrnes’ therapist looking bored. © − All right reserved.

Rose Byrne’s character is intense and overwrought throughout the entire film; she looks truly desperate and unable to keep up. This is a tough movie to watch, even harder to enjoy, but it is a splendid work of art. I saw it once but really cannot watch it again.

Ms. Byrnes has received a nomination for the Best Actress Oscar. She may beat the current favorite, Jessie Buckley (Hamnet) since If I Had Legs I’d Kick You is contemporary and relevant.

 

If I Had Legs I’d Kick You
  • Rating

Movie Details

Genres
Drama
Release Date
10 October 2025
Runtime
1 h 53 min
Director
Mary Bronstein
Writer
Mary Bronstein
Actors
Rose Byrne, Conan O'Brien, A$AP Rocky, Danielle Macdonald, Delaney Quinn, Mary Bronstein, Ivy Wolk, Mark Stolzenberg, Manu Narayan, Christian Slater, Eva Kornet, Ella Beatty, Helen Hong, Daniel Zolghadri, Josh Pais, Ronald Bronstein, Lark White, Laurence Blum, Amy Judd Lieberman, Char Sidney, Jodi Michelle Pynn

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